the dark night of the soul

letter to a woman whose husband is dying

this is the dark night of the soul. he has to do this alone. there is nothing you can do for him now. that is hard or impossible for him to accept — and for you — but it is how it is.

if you can bear it, stay with him, and if you can't, go. you have to let him do what he has to do on his own.

we all have to die alone. no one can help us with that.

it is not your responsibility. forgive yourself. much as you'd like to, would dearly love to be able to rise above it and be superman or god, you're just a human being. and it is scary watching someone in the dark night of the soul. apart from anything else it is a reminder that you too will one day have to face death, as we all have to.

he doesn't hate you. what he hates it is the fact that he is suffering but he has to do this alone and he is afraid but this is part of the process.

it will be over soon. your job now is to take care of yourself, that's not selfish and it doesn't mean you don't love him or that you've failed him. you've done everything you can for him. it's up to him now to do what he has to do and the medical staff. they should be palliatively sedating him. tell them.