oh dandelions, my heart. why do human beings keep lawns? perhaps it is part of the illusion of control.

this is slightly related.

in dutch 'dandelion' is 'paardenbloem' but that's the new spelling and almost everyone says 'paardebloem'. i refuse to write 'paardenbloem'. damn you autocorrect!

i wondered if calling it 'paardenbloem' means people are more likely to want to kill it, or less?

i wondered if a dandelion is unlucky to find itself growing in the netherlands and being called paardebloem?

i wondered if dying of a heroin overdose is unlucky or lucky.

i almost died of a heroin overdose and there was nothing bad about it. there was no white light but a soft, velvety darkness that enveloped my entire being. the worst part was k. slapping me around the face yelling, breathe ... breathe! you fucker! and walking me around the room with her slight frame. the weird thing was she always went first because she liked being hit up but not this time.

why not!? i guess i was lucky.

i wouldn't have missed a second of the 31 and a ½ years since then for the world — or well maybe a few hours here and there, like the ones i spent in the school of visual and performing arts board meetings in wagga wagga but they wouldn't have happened, at least not for me, if i'd gone second. that would have been lucky.

when i came around she said simply : yeah you were turning blue mate. and then : can i have mine now please? maybe do me a little bit less than you.

australian women rule.

k. is dead now, not from heroin but from cancer. so it goes. RIP x